ONLY IN AMERICA

(Published in the East Bay Psychiatric Association Newsletter, April 2002)

This past weekend, my wife and I, along with three other couples, went out to dinner. This was not your ordinary evening out, as you will see. We four couples were joined by our adult sons, now about age 28. Our boys have remained close since childhood, despite having scattered far and wide during their college and graduate school experiences.

For many years, we four families would see each other at our children’s events like soccer games, scout troop meetings, and other school activities. We adults were never really close friends, just very good acquaintances, and we had never before gone out to dinner together as a group.

The idea for this dinner, sadly, was borne out of a tragic situation. Two months earlier, our sons’ other closest friend--my own son’s best friend since fourth grade--committed suicide. The loss was sudden and catastrophic--and nearly unbearable for our boys. As parents, we were also devastated.

What seemed to arise out of our mutual shock and grief, was a greater appreciation for our ongoing relationship with each other, and we felt a need to form closer ties. We wanted to strengthen our previously casual relationship, and somehow consolidate our closeness with each other and with our sons in the face of this tragedy. There were hugs and kisses all around that night in the restaurant--and enough warmth to keep you cozy all next winter. We four families, who previously had been living out our joys as parents together, now had to confront our sorrow together, too.

The diversity of the families who found themselves sharing this moment in their lives was also unusual: one family is Muslim originally from Pakistan, one Armenian Christian, one Catholic, and one Jewish. And we spent the evening sitting around a table in a CHINESE restaurant.

That such a meaningful experience could be shared by such a diverse group of individuals is a strong affirmation of our American democracy and our way of life. In this difficult time in world history, it is good to keep such stories in mind, because only in America is an event like this likely to have occurred.