LIVING SMALLER

(Published in the May 2008 East Bay Psychiatric Newsletter)


Have you noticed that the size of people, houses and cars has increased greatly over the past decade or two? My architect son, who thinks in spatial terms, commented that he sees Americans existing on a scale of 1.2:1 relative to Europeans. But now the recent economic downturn in our country has some pundits talking about a 20% chance of a depression, and others predicting the loss of value of the dollar so great that the U.S. economy will eventually resemble an emerging market country. Maybe it’s time we all started living smaller.

This economic downturn, with the certainty of less buying power for most people, got me thinking about the things that are important in life that money can’t buy. Many of my patients who are under emotional stress can benefit from clarification of their values so that they don’t simply expend all their time on the treadmill of earning money and spending money, with no chance to actually find meaning, purpose, and pleasure in their lives.

How one manages money seems to correlate with stress. One patient of mine who was earning $300,000 a year between himself and his wife, complained, “we can’t make ends meet.” I asked him what kind of car he owned, and he answered, “A Lexus SUV.” I then asked him how often he drove his SUV off road, and he answered, “Why would I take it off road?” I proceeded to point out that he had purchased a $45,000 car that was engineered for off road driving, when he could have bought a car for half that amount to accomplish what he wanted from a vehicle. Regardless of how much money you earn, if you spend beyond your means, you can feel poor.

In an attempt at clarity, I have made a partial list of things that I suggest are important toward fulfillment and satisfaction, followed by a list of things not so essential. When measuring the importance of these, it is helpful to distinguish between what would bring you happiness (a long-term emotional state), versus what simply is fun (a short term emotional state). Some are expensive and need to be budgeted for, others are free of cost.

Important:

1) A lot of laughter
2) Freedom
3) A support system of family, colleagues, and friends
4) Accessibility to the natural world for pleasure, exercise, and spiritual awareness
5) Reasonable quality food, clothing, and shelter
6) An intellectual life, including access to good books
7) A cultural life, including access to good music and the arts
8) A recreational life including exercise
9) A spiritual life
10) Adequate leisure time to reflect, read, and relax
11) Some travel and entertainment
12) Meaningful, satisfying work
13) Good health with access to quality medical care
14) A safe, quiet neighborhood to live in
15) Access to information and knowledge

Not so important:

1) A luxury car
2) An elaborate house
3) Fancy furniture
4) Gourmet food and wine
5) Expensive jewelry
6) An expensive wardrobe of brand name clothes
7) Electrical appliances of all sorts
8) Technological gadgetry
9) Recreational vehicles

A financial counselor, when asked by his client whether he could afford to retire yet, said: “It depends on what you want to do when you retire. If you want to play golf every day you will need more money than if you want to play bridge every day.”

It seems important to go through some clarification of values from time to time. Overworked, heavily indebted people encounter more emotional problems, more marital conflict, more problems with their children who may feel neglected, and a greater sense of frustration and dissatisfaction that can lead to problems with physical health.

One definition of being rich is to feel satisfied with what you have. This may be one of the most important keys to happiness. If you have your values clear and your “head straight’ in this regard, you probably have all the money you need, regardless of what happens to the larger economy as the future unfurls.